Pi Phi Fo Fum
It is a little known fact, even among my close friends, that I was once a member of a sorority. In 1991, Delta Psi Delta was pretty new. They had big dreams of someday being absorbed by the national “Tri Delts” (immortalized on SNL with the phrase, “Delta Delta Delta, can I help ya help ya help ya?”) but, like a small magazine looking for a grant, they still had to prove themselves worthy. That year I was just cresting my Androgynous Grunge Angst period and hardly a candidate for sorority life, but I suspect they were sort of desperate for rushes (applicants). Every girl that showed up at our first meeting had been personally invited. I had reservations, but I figured my chances of ever again experiencing this particular slice of life were slim; I thought what the hell? When I walked in wearing a plaid flannel shirt and army boots, no one batted an eye.
Over the next eight months I attended charity events and made friends with our “Greek brothers” in the Acadia fraternity – boys who, when I ran out of money at the holidays, personally set up a driver relay to get me home for free. I decided popular depictions of sororities as petty, fascist dictatorships were overly harsh.
Here is a six page list, forwarded by the president of the Pi Phi sorority at Cornell to all new rushes outlining what dress will be considered acceptable for sorority events. (No “plastic shizzz” please.)
I think I stand corrected.
- g.
Tags: fashion rules suck, g. stegelmann
February 2nd, 2010 at 7:21 pm
Wow - That reads like a flight attendant’s manual on grooming! Yikes…
February 2nd, 2010 at 7:45 pm
Nazi!!!
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:03 pm
!!!!!!
Gwen, where did you get this? This is exhaustingly psychotic! I sense tinglings of ideas for academic papers coming on….
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:48 pm
This is terrifying! I feel sort of woozy looking at it.
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:51 pm
YOU WERE IN A SORORITY?
no joke, joining a sorority was on my list that I wrote when I was 12 of things to do before I die, right under “intern at a cool fashion magazine,” so….I guess that’s next.
but “NO: fuck me pumps” omg ahahaa
February 2nd, 2010 at 9:42 pm
You did not say anything how to sit in a chair, how to sit at the dinning table or how to alight from a vehicle or whether studying was part of the appearance. Maureen
February 2nd, 2010 at 9:57 pm
i cant stop coming back to this! omg she would FLIP if she came to a staff meeting
February 2nd, 2010 at 9:58 pm
there are ROUNDS. like a BOXING MATCH.
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:18 am
Tee hee this is hilarious and ridiculous, thanks for sharing, I’m gonna link to this!
Woof, you’d think the girl who wrote this could proof the paper before she sends it out. I want to know what she looks like ;]
February 3rd, 2010 at 2:52 am
This is amazing! Thanks for posting.
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:12 pm
My favourite is, “We aren’t 5 unless I say its beautiful”.
The grammar went out the window with the fuck me pumps I guess…
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:38 pm
I’m proud to be wearing about 70% of her NOs at any given moment. Even when I’m sleeping I’m all about plastic rings, more than two necklaces and sleevelessness in general.
February 3rd, 2010 at 1:08 pm
thank you thank you for posting the whole thing! i kept reading and didn’t know whether to laugh or vomit. And yes, i’m proud to also be wearing plenty of “no”s no plastic or “obvious” make up? hhmmm?
February 3rd, 2010 at 4:34 pm
I have to say, my favourite bits are this:
The arbitrary ratings, as in “Skirts: Pencil or Nicer.” What on earth does that even mean? What’s “nicer” than a pencil skirt? Where can I find the official rankings? What constitutes “weird” bronzer, which piercings are “obnoxious”, and how big does a hoop have to be to be “tooooo” big?
The Cosmo Makeup Descriptors, as in “Lipstick - as long as it’s pretty and young and soft.” What the hell is “young” lipstick, exactly? *puts away ugly, old, hard lipstick* And the endless repetition of “statement”… Statement earrings, statement necklaces. Maybe it’s the editor in me, but that’s cheap fashion jargon.
The fact that she felt she needed to specify NO MOOD RINGS. Are those big at Cornell? Is there a mood ring resurgence I wasn’t informed about?
But I’ll admit - I’m with her on not going bare-legged in winter, and the whole satin rant? I was in stitches. I couldn’t agree more - satin is VERY unforgiving. Unforgivably so. Ha.
g.
February 3rd, 2010 at 4:58 pm
This is possibly the best thing ever.
Though they probably could of simplified it with:
On Wednesday we wear pink
You can’t wear a tank top two days in a row,
And you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week.
Oh, and we only wear jeans or track pants on Fridays.
Now, if you break any of these rules,you can’t sit with us at lunch.
February 3rd, 2010 at 5:45 pm
Sorry ladies, but I don’t think there’s even a place to get your brows waxed in Ithaca. My old bf went to Cornell and I remember his prof telling me that there was a big problem with sororities and fraternities at the university. Small towns, small minds?
February 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Oh lord I think I just vomited in my mouth a little.
February 6th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
This is amazing! What I like about it the most (and also horrified by) is that this is clearly reflections of her own tyrannical taste. Half of her weird, arbitrary rules don’t even make sense for the occasions she’s talking about. If someone has fantastic personal style that is made of items in her ‘no’ columns they could still come up with appropriate outfits for say a business lunch for example, or an evening of cocktails.
I’ve never been in a sorority myself, but am familiar with the greek system thanks to my brother whose in a fraternity. He also has dress codes he has to abide by, but nothing like this. Those codes, and other codes about behavior and manners, are supposed to teach these young and immature students how to act appropriately for certain situations… i.e. don’t wear ripped jeans to a business meeting. So what horrifies me about this is this person’s personal conservative taste is being thwarted upon impressionable young freshman. I guess this is clearly a case of the stereotypical steppford type sorority . An army of cashmere cardigan, pearl wearing, khaki laden young women await the town of Ithaca.